Oh, It Is Love (Holiday Update + An Acceptance Letter!)

"How was your winter break?"

"Three days were wonderful, and the rest pretty much sucked. How was your break?"

Hmmm… not sure if honesty is the most socially accepted way to answer that question, but honesty IS the best policy, so I just might go with that. You see, I was thinking the other day about school starting back, and what I'd say to those smiling faces who actually dare to try talking to the sullen mute depressing blah I've become. And in my head, that was the simplest summary of my break possible. Which caused me to seriously think about WHY that was the case. Well, how about we look at those three wonderful days?

My 18th Birthday-my family and I went to see Tron in theaters, and met Henry there :). On the way there, my dad was a total jerk and actually shocked us all into silence with his hostility. I mean, it was my 18th birthday, AND I wasn't feeling too good, and he chooses right before we get to the theater to go psycho about tickets and how I shouldn't assume that he was paying for ANYTHING and more I don't even want to think about right now. My mom sister and I were taken aback, and I wanted to beat the snot out of him, but when we were walking up to the theater and I saw Henry I felt worlds better. We all watched the movie, and afterward came home and I had a peanut butter fudge shake from Sonic while everyone else ate pizza. Then, Henry and I watched How To Train Your Dragon in the living room, and I fell asleep… I was still on pain meds and antibiotics, and had been fighting to keep my eyes open all day. It was great, though, because he was still there when I woke up, and gave me the most wonderful birthday card ever written, and was there to hold me as I fought tears of joy ^_^. So, bottom line, my birthday started really rough but wound up wonderful :).

Christmas Eve-my brother and his wife came over, and we opened up a couple gifts, and they gave us their Wii :D. We played it for most of the night, and there was a lot of laughter as my mom learned how to drive on Mariokart XD. After they left, we opened the rest of our gifts, and people liked what I gave them, and I loved my presents, and it was just a lot of fun. I loved seeing momma HAPPY… when she smiles it really does warm my heart. She doesn't smile enough… during the holiday season we call my dad the Grinch, and Christmas is always a desperate attempt to make the day great despite the familial warfare, and this year WE BEASTED. So yeah, I'm happy about it.

December 28th-Henry invited me to celebrate Christmas with his family, and they were getting together that evening. We ate, and talked, and his family is pretty amazing :). They opened gifts, and his family and his aunt actually got me presents, which I wasn't expecting at all, and about made me cry happily... Henry loved his gift(a clan crest key fob-his family is of Scottish descent), which made my lungs feel like they were going to burst I was so relieved and overjoyed!!! I thought it was cool, and was hoping he did too :D :D :D. I gave MG, his awesome sister, Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen and The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, both of which are personal favorites. She hasn't gotten to HG yet, but read Flipped and loved it! YAY! Anyway, after we opened presents us three, Henry, MG, and I, went outside and played in the snow-something I haven't done in years. The stars shone brightly, and we laughed, and pelted each other with snow, and made snow angels, and more :). It was just a magical evening ^_^.

And the rest of the days of my break? I worked some (got told to look for another job by my manager, who simply said that I wasn't 'raunchy and wild' enough to fit in with my coworkers, and just didn't belong. Not kidding. I'm okay with it though… I'll explain further if anyone cares to hear details), slept a LOT (I met with a clinical psychologist, who I didn't like that all, and he prescribed a low dose antidepressant to help me cope with my 'situational depression', which I DO like because it seems to be helping, but it made me freakishly drowsy all the time, so I'm now taking it at night), and was mostly home with my dad… and we don't get along. When the new year arrived, I was home alone with D. A little while after an awkward toast, I went to the bathroom and was fighting tears, chewing myself out for being an emotional wreck. This year will be a HUGE one for me-I'm FINALLY moving out, going to college, growing up, breaking FREE from this prison. I'm going to need my mom's support more than ever… and she, and my sister, were at work when the ball dropped. It wasn't their fault, and I'm not mad about it at all, it just felt wrong. Everything has felt wrong lately. The biggest difference between those few great days and all of the crappy ones is who I was with. On those three days, I was with people I love, and who love me. I was able to laugh, able to smile… and the rest, not so much. I'm sorry I haven't posted, or read your posts or commented. I'm just disconnected right now, emotionally detached, and haven't even been checking my email.

Anyway, on a VERY POSITIVE NOTE: I've been accepted to the Great University, and received the Presidential Scholarship-which means full tuition! It is really amazing, and I'm so fortunate… I'll be going there next weekend for a scholars' dinner and a campus tour. I can't wait! Right now that is the only college that has given me a response, but I can't imagine getting a better offer than that…. I guess I'll see ^_^. I'm also making another college visit next week, and school starts back tomorrow, so I'm going to have to snap out of this and really get myself moving. There is too much to be done for me to be a space cadet! Thankfully I know that no matter how hard it gets, I'll make it-because I'm not alone, no matter how alone I feel sometimes. I am loved, and focusing on that fact is what has allowed me to smile at all during my time in this house. Soon enough, I will be free… anyway, I'm sorry for vanishing everyone. I hope you haven't given up on me! I also hope that you had a wonderful Christmas, that you were able to spend time with loved ones, and that this coming year is better than last year was for all of you :).

--

"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.

In your head, in your head they are fighting,

With their tanks and their bombs,

And their bombs and their guns.

In your head, in your head, they are crying..."

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(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)

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Music That Moves Us: Life Starts Now (my first guest post!)

Hello everyone! I'll post more about what happened later, but the bottom line is my wisdom teeth removal did not go well. I'm really swollen, and dizzy from the medicine, and was talking to my wonderful friend Henry about my music that moves me post-I had a great song picked out, but was struggling with writing anything decent because I'm so messed up right now(I'll post on that song another time). Then, I asked if he'd like to guest post! He has great taste in music, and is a great writer, and I'm honored that he is willing to do this for me! Thanks Henry-you're a life saver :). Without further ado, his post:

"You say you feel so down
Every time I turn around
And you say you should've been gone by now
And you, you think that everything's wrong
You ask me how to carry on
We'll make it through another day just hold on.

Cause life starts now.
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow
And you're so far down
But you will survive it somehow because life starts now"
Life Starts Now-Three Days Grace

I like this song because the singer encourages us that we will survive "it" somehow. When we're feeling down, sometimes it's so hard to see the bigger picture. Life doesn't end when we fail to do the thing we attempt; life starts NOW, when we make these decisions that will alter our attitudes and worldview. You can choose to remain down, and fix nothing, or you can get help from a friend, or parent or adult who has struggled with the same things you are going through (btw, if you don't feel like you have someone to talk to about your problems, I would urge you to talk to Elizabeth. She is a great encourager and sympathizer, and she will listen to you =) I'll let her give you her contact info). I guess one thing I'm trying to say is that you need someone to help you gain perspective over the situation. That's what the singer does for his friend in this song:

"All this pain,
Take this life and make it yours!
All this hate!
Take your heart and let it love again,
You will survive this somehow!!!"

When we lose perspective of what life means and what our purpose is, it's easy to feel like it's all over if we mess up. It is so important that you have a friend who can keep you focused, a friend who you can confide in with your decisions.

I hope the song helps you to keep perspective about life =) And I hope you enjoy! Take care,

-Henry

Thank you so much for this, Henry... great post :). And because I know how hard it can be sometimes to stay in perspective, and I know the value of encouragement and support and simply having someone to listen, I have no problem with talking any of you who need to let it out. My new email address is acollectionofreflections(at)gmail(dot)com, and don't hesitate to send me an email. I hope that you enjoyed this post, and the wonderful song! Also, thanks to Aaron/Nihil for following! Welcome to my bit of the blogosphere :). Thanks for reading everyone,


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(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
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