After the Storm

Hey everyone! I can't believe it's been a week since the last time I posted... so much has happened! I got to hang out with my neighbor again, and then I spent another day at my brother's house, chilling with my sister and sister-in-law at their pool :). Then that evening I went to play ultimate Frisbee with some friends, hung out at McDonald's afterward, and picked up a graduation gift from a really good friend. After being dropped off back at my car, I went back to my brother's house to spend the night, and then realized I didn't have my graduation gift with me, so I checked the car, had my sister check the car, had my earlier ride check HIS car, another friend and his mom checked the parking lot where I'd been parked, and then after a very restless night my sister-in-law and I checked the parking lot ourselves and couldn't find the gift anywhere. The theory is that I left if on top of my car--in fact, I'm pretty certain that's what I did. But it's long gone now :/. After scouring the parking lot for a long time, I went back to my brother's house and took a shower, then grabbed all my crap and drove home, where I talked with my dad for a while then took a short nap. When I woke up I had to get ready for a party a couple hours away, a party for all of the NC students going to the college I'm headed to in the fall. Attending that was fun, though I'm not really one for making small talk with strangers.

That night, at about midnight, my mom and I hit walmart to buy me a bicycle. Then the next day, I had a job as an extra again--this time for a show called Homeland, starring Claire Danes. I was a 'girl on bike', hence the midnight bike run. It was an okay experience... but nothing as amazing as The Hunger Games. It's a paying job, though, and my new bike rocks, so I'm glad I did it :). So yeah, I've been really busy the last several days, and haven't been home much at all. Today I'm going whitewater rafting with my sister, and tomorrow she, my dad, and I all leave for Georgia... so it looks like I'm going to be busy for a while yet. But I know that eventually this insanity will calm down, and I'll be able to breathe, and all I have to do until then is not panic! A long while back, our area experienced a HORRIBLE storm... there were tornadoes nearby and severe thunderstorms and wind. Then, it just stopped... and the next day I took this picture:

 

I love this picture, because to me it means, when things are rough, 'this too shall pass'... there may always be a calm before the storm, but there's always a calm after one too--it's just the way life works out, depending how you choose to look at it. This storm isn't over yet, but when it is I'm sure the sun will shine and the flowers will smile up at it :). Anyway, now I'm rambling... just wanted to say I love you guys, and I'm sorry for not reading and commenting on your blogs. I hope to catch up more soon! :/. Thanks so much to Lia and Raisa for commenting on my last post, even though it wasn't much of one and I've been an unfaithful blogger. I really appreciate it :). Until next time,

Oh, It Is Love (Holiday Update + An Acceptance Letter!)

"How was your winter break?"

"Three days were wonderful, and the rest pretty much sucked. How was your break?"

Hmmm… not sure if honesty is the most socially accepted way to answer that question, but honesty IS the best policy, so I just might go with that. You see, I was thinking the other day about school starting back, and what I'd say to those smiling faces who actually dare to try talking to the sullen mute depressing blah I've become. And in my head, that was the simplest summary of my break possible. Which caused me to seriously think about WHY that was the case. Well, how about we look at those three wonderful days?

My 18th Birthday-my family and I went to see Tron in theaters, and met Henry there :). On the way there, my dad was a total jerk and actually shocked us all into silence with his hostility. I mean, it was my 18th birthday, AND I wasn't feeling too good, and he chooses right before we get to the theater to go psycho about tickets and how I shouldn't assume that he was paying for ANYTHING and more I don't even want to think about right now. My mom sister and I were taken aback, and I wanted to beat the snot out of him, but when we were walking up to the theater and I saw Henry I felt worlds better. We all watched the movie, and afterward came home and I had a peanut butter fudge shake from Sonic while everyone else ate pizza. Then, Henry and I watched How To Train Your Dragon in the living room, and I fell asleep… I was still on pain meds and antibiotics, and had been fighting to keep my eyes open all day. It was great, though, because he was still there when I woke up, and gave me the most wonderful birthday card ever written, and was there to hold me as I fought tears of joy ^_^. So, bottom line, my birthday started really rough but wound up wonderful :).

Christmas Eve-my brother and his wife came over, and we opened up a couple gifts, and they gave us their Wii :D. We played it for most of the night, and there was a lot of laughter as my mom learned how to drive on Mariokart XD. After they left, we opened the rest of our gifts, and people liked what I gave them, and I loved my presents, and it was just a lot of fun. I loved seeing momma HAPPY… when she smiles it really does warm my heart. She doesn't smile enough… during the holiday season we call my dad the Grinch, and Christmas is always a desperate attempt to make the day great despite the familial warfare, and this year WE BEASTED. So yeah, I'm happy about it.

December 28th-Henry invited me to celebrate Christmas with his family, and they were getting together that evening. We ate, and talked, and his family is pretty amazing :). They opened gifts, and his family and his aunt actually got me presents, which I wasn't expecting at all, and about made me cry happily... Henry loved his gift(a clan crest key fob-his family is of Scottish descent), which made my lungs feel like they were going to burst I was so relieved and overjoyed!!! I thought it was cool, and was hoping he did too :D :D :D. I gave MG, his awesome sister, Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen and The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, both of which are personal favorites. She hasn't gotten to HG yet, but read Flipped and loved it! YAY! Anyway, after we opened presents us three, Henry, MG, and I, went outside and played in the snow-something I haven't done in years. The stars shone brightly, and we laughed, and pelted each other with snow, and made snow angels, and more :). It was just a magical evening ^_^.

And the rest of the days of my break? I worked some (got told to look for another job by my manager, who simply said that I wasn't 'raunchy and wild' enough to fit in with my coworkers, and just didn't belong. Not kidding. I'm okay with it though… I'll explain further if anyone cares to hear details), slept a LOT (I met with a clinical psychologist, who I didn't like that all, and he prescribed a low dose antidepressant to help me cope with my 'situational depression', which I DO like because it seems to be helping, but it made me freakishly drowsy all the time, so I'm now taking it at night), and was mostly home with my dad… and we don't get along. When the new year arrived, I was home alone with D. A little while after an awkward toast, I went to the bathroom and was fighting tears, chewing myself out for being an emotional wreck. This year will be a HUGE one for me-I'm FINALLY moving out, going to college, growing up, breaking FREE from this prison. I'm going to need my mom's support more than ever… and she, and my sister, were at work when the ball dropped. It wasn't their fault, and I'm not mad about it at all, it just felt wrong. Everything has felt wrong lately. The biggest difference between those few great days and all of the crappy ones is who I was with. On those three days, I was with people I love, and who love me. I was able to laugh, able to smile… and the rest, not so much. I'm sorry I haven't posted, or read your posts or commented. I'm just disconnected right now, emotionally detached, and haven't even been checking my email.

Anyway, on a VERY POSITIVE NOTE: I've been accepted to the Great University, and received the Presidential Scholarship-which means full tuition! It is really amazing, and I'm so fortunate… I'll be going there next weekend for a scholars' dinner and a campus tour. I can't wait! Right now that is the only college that has given me a response, but I can't imagine getting a better offer than that…. I guess I'll see ^_^. I'm also making another college visit next week, and school starts back tomorrow, so I'm going to have to snap out of this and really get myself moving. There is too much to be done for me to be a space cadet! Thankfully I know that no matter how hard it gets, I'll make it-because I'm not alone, no matter how alone I feel sometimes. I am loved, and focusing on that fact is what has allowed me to smile at all during my time in this house. Soon enough, I will be free… anyway, I'm sorry for vanishing everyone. I hope you haven't given up on me! I also hope that you had a wonderful Christmas, that you were able to spend time with loved ones, and that this coming year is better than last year was for all of you :).

--

"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.

In your head, in your head they are fighting,

With their tanks and their bombs,

And their bombs and their guns.

In your head, in your head, they are crying..."

´¨)

¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)

(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *

(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)

¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *

(¸.·´*

The Recent Past and Not-So-Distant Future (in the form of a list!)

I wanted to update you all about what is going on with me, because things have been crazy, but I haven't much time to write a full post and I really need to get organized. What I've decided to do is write out a list, with what I've done in the past week first and then a To Do list for the upcoming week.

-Went to the doctor with my mom, who was having pain in the back of her head and in her eyes. My first thought was occipital lobe. When she got blood drawn, she suddenly shut down-slumped over some, stared blankly into the distance, was not responsive in any way. Couldn't get any reaction, not a blink or a movement or anything, for a long time. Eventually, she shuddered back to life, and tears were pouring down her face, but she still couldn't talk. After a very long while, and being given soda and crackers, she was back to normal, but that was pretty much the most afraid I've ever been. I thought she was dying right in front of me. Still don't know what was wrong. Trying to remain calm.

-Survived the December 1st application deadline, but not as successfully as I wanted. I got some in, but not others, and I haven't been that proud of any of my essays, so I'm not optimistic about the college hunting process right now.

-Last Wednesday, felt like a piece of crap, and didn't go to school. Head, stomach, everything was hurting. Felt better that evening, and bad again the next morning. Just messed up right now.

-Got written up at work. For the second time. I didn't post about the first time, because I got over it pretty quick and didn't dwell, but the second time followed the first far too quickly, and my hours are pretty minimal right now, and the 'problem' I have is 'being too slow'. If you aren't ever working, it is really hard to get practice and get faster, and I've had this job for a year and have NEVER been told I'm too slow until just recently, which ticks me off because if there was a problem before nobody bothered to tell me. The first time I was written up, I was also written up for questioning authority (which caught me off guard, because while that is my nature, I didn't realize I had done any such thing at work, at least, not unless it was warranted). The second time, I listened to a supervisor who told me not to do certain things which needed doing one night I worked, so I got written up for not doing my job(and so did the supervisor, for not doing her job, but SERIOUSLY?). I'm losing either way. If I get written up one more time, I'm fired. So… I need to figure out how to win. Really stinking badly.

-Went to my town's parade, for the first time-and was IN it-on the day of the first snow of the season for me :). The snow literally started falling as I pulled into the parking lot, and then came down really hard while we (it was a work thing, so 'we' means my bosses, coworkers, and I) decorated the float. Absolutely froze to death, got soaked, wasn't allowed to wear a coat, and still managed to enjoy myself ^_^. I mostly loved seeing customers from work and other people lining the streets, smiling, and little kids yelling 'SUBWAY ROCKS!' and getting to shout 'YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!' right back at them, while clumsily pelting them with candy because I couldn't feel my hands. First time driving in snow too, actually, which wasn't a big enough deal for me to realize until just this second. Lol :).

-Worked this past weekend, got upset with myself for not remembering a certain discount related rule. Just frustrated, because I feel that none of my coworkers like me, and I haven't done anything horribly offensive, and they're all complaining about me behind my back, but no one has the guts to be honest with ME. I'd rather be told straight up 'I don't like the way you do this and that' than get blindsided. Seriously, work is starting to feel like Survivor, and I'm not in any alliances, so... not sure how long I'll last at this point.

Yesterday and today, I worked on catching up with blogs and commenting. I've gotten the 78 unread/starred items in reader reduced to 25 :). I hate it when I read an awesome post, and want to comment, but I can't at the moment, so I mark it unread and/or star it, then I don't get around to it for several days :-P. I ALSO tried to catch up with my homework, which I am behind on. And so here is my homework To Do List:

• Finish Module Notes
• Finish Physics Test
• Finish Lab 7.1
• Prep Labs 8.1 and 8.2, including data tables
• Read two World History chapters
• Study World History

I need to have that all done by 7:45am Wednesday. THEN, after class, I get to go to therapy-for the first time. As a few of you may know, I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and while the concept of spilling my life's story to a complete stranger, who really can't do anything about my living situation, sounds pointless to me… talking it out is supposed to help. My mom scheduled it, and she went last week, and it helped her focus a bit, so we'll see how it goes. I'm… wary, and very… hesitant? about it. Definitely not excited. Kind of worried I'll either A) Sit there glaring at the woman, or B) Bawl and bawl and have to be dragged out by security. Have any of you battled depression and gone to therapy? Any advice?

On December 13th, I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out. I'm not worried about the procedure, just concerned that I'll still be slightly loopy when....(see next point)

On December 15th, I'm taking an in-class World History final, which I am truly concerned I will fail. I'm not saying that because I'm paranoid or so I can blow your minds with an 'unexpected' A; I know what I do and do not know, and all those names and dates go in one ear and out the other. I haven't failed a single class in highschool, my academic record is flawless, and this is the one class I NEED to pass in order to graduate. It is also the class that I have disliked the most, and retained the least information from. I aced Chemistry easy-but World History is killing me, largely because there haven't been any tests or major assignments beyond reading, so I don't know what I NEED to know and feel like I don't know anything, because there was so much information we read and I retained so little of it. So… wish me luck on that! :-P lol.

On December 18th, I am officially 18 years old! Officially an old fart, according to my friend. But he's already an old fart, so I think he's just trying to feel better about himself ;).

So anyway, things have been and will continue to be kind of crazy around my house. I'm stressed about a lot of different things, and am really worried about my mother's health. That incident at the doctor's office was so scary… anyway, if you could pray for her health, I'd appreciate it. And WOW, even just doing a point-by-point list of what is going on I wound up blabbing, and I left out TONS of information! Oh well, any of you who actually read this entire post-you get an imaginary cookie. Comment and tell me what kind of cookie you want, okay? I'll give it to you in the next post! :D Until next time, my wonderful readers (and I really am grateful for each of you :),

--
"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying..."


´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*

The Past Two Weeks in 14 Pictures

Where to start? I haven't posted in… wow, two weeks? Since the last time I posted, my lap-top was confiscated, my grandfather stayed with us (for two weeks), I've spent two days at one college, spent several days working on the application to another college (including essays… arg), gotten my scores from the latest SAT (THEY WENT UP! W00T), wore two different Halloween costumes

[Black Widow(red hourglass, all black outfit down to the boots, super pale makeup),

and Green Bean(wore a green shirt and green scrub pants which were the SAME SHADE of green-lucky!-sprayed my hair green, green bling, and my name-tag said:

Bean)], had a rice krispies treat

(the first one within my memory), ate a LOT of comfort food (grilled cheese, pizza, cookies, brownies, and other bits of heaven), saw a sign with an error while stuck in traffic,

listened to '80's hits(We Built This City, baby!), babysat our new puppy,

got the most amazing piece of mail in history (a letter and poem from someone I love-most amazing gift I've received), laughed, cried, had a complete meltdown(I had three in one day, actually), and screamed with joy. The leaves have changed colors,

the air became cold,

my father bought some mums,

and a few surviving hanging flowers are still smiling at the sky.

These past weeks have been one psycho senior year rollercoaster of death, and I'm BEAT. I haven't had time to write a post (though I have been commenting on other's blogs more, so yay for that), but I wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead and that I will be posting regularly asap. I'm just moving way too fast right now...

I've been offered tours of labs for tissue engineering (if you know what I'm talking about, YES ISN'T AMAZING?!?!?! If not, they grow working organs, and it IS amazing!) by my brother, who knows people. And my brother also offered to fly me to a college which offered me a free ride, including tuition and housing, which is out of state and I thought I wouldn't be able to visit. LOL, I was just flipping through my note book trying to find my Physics notes and saw this to do list:

Yeah, it was late at night and I was talking to myself... lol. But I've gotten a lot DONE this past week, including transcript requests and sending my SAT score reports to different schools, and on this very day I bought myself a lovely new watch! :D

I'm sorry for abandoning you, my faithful followers, but with my limited internet access I haven't had much choice in the matter. Thanks for bearing with me,


--
"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying..."


´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*

Good News... Life is Insane... And I'm Really Sorry X-| (in reverse)

Before I start rambling, I'd like to apologize to everyone whose blog I follow. I promise I'm reading your posts, I just haven't had time to breathe much less comment! Also, thanks and sorry to those who have taken the time to comment, I really appreciate it and will respond asap. And fyi, Leanna from Violet Reaction is currently running a September special at her Etsy! She sells some beautiful handmade jewelry, and you can see the details on >this< post. And this beautiful jewelry can make a great gifts, so you males might be interested as well :).

A while ago I received some great news, but wasn't allowed to share until the 15th (then didn't have time!), so in a moment I'll spill the beans on that. This week has been, and will continue to be, crazy. Thursday, I was gone all day (went to the doctors, running errands, eating way too much at Red Lobster, etc.). Friday, I worked a 9-4, which was insanely busy. Lines of customers to the door, all day long. I'm glad for the hours, and was shown trust by my manager (I drove to a local school to deliver a teachers lunch, because it was missing from their weekly order, and ran like a crazy person) and a supervisor (she told another worker she wasn't needed, because she wanted me on the line instead, though I was off the clock. I stayed an hour later than scheduled to help out, and it was actually greatly appreciated :D). I didn't get to eat until 4:30, when I was home, then a couple hours later got online for the first time for over a day (gasp!). I had 22 unread items in google reader, and I actually took the time to read them all, so if I follow your blog I'm sorry I haven't been commenting, but I have most definitely been reading! Today, I had a store meeting at 7:30am (which I attended with wet hair, but afterward I went to our bathroom and used the super powerful hand dryer to blow dry my hair. Boss man laughed at me... lol), then I volunteered at a library book sale from 9-3 (came home with tons of books, respect for a woman I never knew before, and a smile on my face, which is miraculous). When I got home, I ate and changed, then worked a 4:30-9... so insanity. I haven't touched my homework, and I have to have an essay written this week for an application for finalist standing in the National Merit Scholarship competition... which is my good news!

The National Merit Scholarship Program is open to high school juniors taking the PSAT, which is why I took it during Junior year along with the SAT. My dad's rule was 'one test a year', but I begged for him to let me take two in Junior year, and he relented. (Freshman: PSAT. Sophomore: SAT. Junior: PSAT and SAT. Senior(aka THIS year): SAT). I made the top 16,000 (out of the 1.5 million juniors who took the test), which makes me a semi-finalist. Basically, once I fill out the application for finalist standing, I SHOULD become a finalist (fingers crossed! It is mostly based on grades, and mine are decent, so I should be okay). After that, it is a scholarship competition. I'll just see if I get anything :). Tomorrow night I work, then I have Monday off (so I guess I'll be doing an entire week's worth of homework in a day..... JOY TO THE WORLD!). Next weekend I'm taking off on vacation, so I might write my Music that Moves Me post ahead of time and schedule it, then just keep you updated on the trip when I can. I'll figure it out when I'm not as brain dead. I just wanted to let the world know I'm alive and... (well, not quite well, I'm on the verge of being sick)... so I'll just leave it at alive.
Also, I'd like to thank YOU Eldarwen, Kendra, and Camellia Dayla for following! It was such a wonderful surprise to log on and see you're following, and I hope that you enjoy what you read here!

P.S. Camellia, I saw on your profile that you'd like to go into suicide prevention. You might be interested in (if you're not already familiar with) To Write Love on Her Arms, a charity with a similar goal which I greatly admire :).

--
"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying..."


´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*