Questions I Ponder... (an old draft from 7/7/11)

Found this old draft today, thought it'd be funny to look back on and make commentary xD.  Black writing is the original post, purple is my comments now...

Is wearing short-shorts immodest, or can they be worn when used in balance with a loose fitting longer top without compromising my personal standards of decency?

After being on campus and seeing the fad of Nike shorts w/ giant shirts... I object.

What on earth made James Cameron think he had the right to call Sanctum 'based on a true story'?!?! I was feeling so horrible for the families of the people who suffered such horrible fates, then find out later it was all fake. W.T.H!?!

Yeah, I STILL think that was totally wrong of him.  Sorry, but the real events that inspired the film were so very, very different... though I've now managed to decide that I really do like the movie.

When someone is retelling a funny story, and they get something wrong, is it rude to interrupt and correct them, since it isn't life changing anyway, or is allowing them to make that mistake and mislead those listening wrong?

Still pondering this one.

How old was I when I figured out how to take my socks off while sleeping?

I don't know, and likely never will, but a funnier question is how many people are aware I do it... a friend, who I've napped with quite a bit, recently commented that we were way to close if he knew that I did that xD.

Should I take the time to write out my opinions on the symbolism of the movie I Am Legend and its alternate ending, which I've been wanting to rant about for ages, or would that bore people?

FINALLY, at college, I've found others who agree that the alternate ending is superior.  I've actually had conversations about it without being shut down.  YESNESS.

Does my college have a Bowflex treadclimber in its gym?

Probably, considering the 'gym' is an entire recreation complex that probably has it's own freakin' zipcode!

Why can't I tag the page of my favorite radio station in a status update on facebook?

iHeartRadio, my friends, iHeartRadio.

This fall I'll have the opportunity to completely reinvent myself-just how much do I want to reinvent? Appearance, outlook, behavior, beliefs?

Turns out I haven't really changed, beyond being... well... largely happier.  More stressed, but happier, if that makes any sense whatsoever.  I'm still me.  And I'm glad for it.  OH, finally learned about the ACTUAL theory of evolution, though... gotta say, I'm ticked that the theory I was presented growing up was a complete misrepresentation.

Am I the only person who thinks that zombies are people too?

I need to ask more people about this.  Because it matters.  To me anyway.

Australians DO use the f-bomb more than Americans, right? Because in the couple Aussie books I've read and Aussie bands I've listened to, it seems like it is a more commonly used word. Plus, Liam Hemsworth was totally dropping the f-bomb around 11 year olds… and I KNOW I've heard that Australians use it more commonly than Americans before. Anyone else heard that?

Still no answer on this one... Ayla, could you share any insight by any chance?

Have I taken my meds this morning?

Hahaha, I'm still asking myself this all the time...

Can you tell I pulled an all-nighter?

Guess what I'm doing right now.

Should I get off of blogger now? Yes, yes I should...

Should I get off of blogger now? Yes, yes I should...

Life is Sweet/Happy New Year

Hey everyone! I just wanted to wish you all a very happy new year, and share with you the highlights of my 2011 and my goals and wishes for 2012.

2011 was a very eventful year for me, and a year in which I was very blessed. I got to spend more time with my sister than I have in ages, got to be an extra in the movie of my dreams as well as a TV show, became a National Merit Finalist, received an amazing scholarship to a great school, started my first year at college, and made some amazing new friends. I also got to celebrate the coming of the new year with one of my best friends from back in the fourth grade, and it reminded me that celebration of the new doesn't mean a complete abandon of the old. Just because I'm looking forward to and celebrating having a fresh start in 2012, doesn't mean I need to celebrate the ending of 2011. Because all in all, 2011 was a VERY good year. Sure, a lot went wrong. My cancer scare, my mom's various bouts of illness, and my craptastic grades last semester… but the fact is, the good outweighed the bad, big time. What can I say--life is sweet.

Dear God, thank you! Thank you for the year two thousand and eleven. Thank you for the opportunities you've given me. I'm sorry for not taking the chances I've been given and making the most of them--but I hope not to repeat that mistake this year. Thank you for Sarah. Thank you for all of my friends at school. Thank you for the people I love and the people who love me, at home, at school, and even those I only know through my little ol' blog. Just… thank you for everything. All of it. Both the good, and the bad which helps me appreciate the good all the more. Thank you for loving me even though I don't deserve it. I'm sorry for having such difficulty accepting it, accepting YOU. But thank you for it nonetheless.

2012 is the year in which the world will supposedly end. I don't know if that's happening or not, I don't know anything about the future for certain, but I do know that I'm going to make the most of what I can. This past year's blessings won't go to waste. My resolution? To do my best. To do my best to abandon my fear of failure. To do my best to trust. To do my best to love. To do my best to have faith. Because my best is really all I can do.

Happy new year, everyone, and God bless,

A Scavenger Hunt, a Dance, Finals, My Birthday, Old Salem, A Museum, Final Grades, and Upcoming Christmas.... The Readers Digest Version!

Hey everyone! Since my last update, I've attended a winter formal (dance), taken my finals, been sent back home for Christmas break, celebrated my 19th birthday, gone to Old Salem, gone to Reynolda House Museum, and gotten my final grades for the semester.

The formal was a lot of fun, as was the manner in which Jonathon asked me to it! I basically was sent on a cross campus scavenger hunt down memory lane, and it was pretty amazing :). Each clue was attached to a memory that he and I shared, and it was so wonderful reliving all of those good times at once! I also had to climb a tree for the first time in years, which was fun! We had a great time at the dance--even though Jonathon and I were dates, we still went with our group of friends, and we all had dinner together before we attended the formal. I wore my prom dress (some of you may remember it--very colorful), as did some of my friends, and one friend's sister curled my hair. Here's a pic of Jonathon and I from before the dance:


And here's a few candids:





In the weeks following formal, I had to prepare for and take my final exams. I actually did really well on my finals (95 in one, which required two essays to be written by hand in 2.5 hours… the scariest thing in the world for me xD), but even a 95 couldn't make up for the fact that I didn't finish half of my work on time… but more on that later.
Right now, I'm writing from NC, back at my parents house. I got a ride from another NC student at my college, who we met at a Charlotte summer send off party. Coming home from break filled me with apprehension, and I'm still a bit stressed to be here. Generally speaking, I'm looking forward to going HOME home--back to my residence hall. I am, however, enjoying some of my time here quite a bit, thanks to my sister. First off, we celebrated my birthday at Concord Mills (a mall, for those who aren't NC residents), and my brother and sis in law wound up meeting us there after a while. My facebook status from that night sums up what we did pretty well:



So that was my December 18th :). The 19th was a long day at the house (where I seem to be automatically discontented… need to work on that), but on the 20th Sarah and I went to Old Salem, and that night she let me sleep over at my brother's house (where she lives). When we got up on the 21st, Sarah asked if I wanted to hit an art museum, and naturally I said heck yes! :D. We went to the Reynolda House Museum of American Art, which had an exhibit on loan from the Smithsonian called Modern Masters. One of the pieces I liked:



Back to my grades--they suck this semester. I got one F (for an online course I repeatedly forgot about until I just gave up on catching up), one NC (for an ENGLISH course, which are typically my easiest courses… because I didn't turn in drafts for the second to last project, or the project itself, which were huge parts of the final grade. Everything I turned in I got great scores on), two D's (for my biology lab and for my liberal arts course, which I love), and one B (biology). Why are my grades so bad? Because I didn't complete half of the homework… I don't know how to explain, and don't want to make excuses, but I need to seriously reorganize my mind and stop with the perfectionism crap. I know I've posted it before, that I've got perfectionism issues, but they've never had these kinds of consequences before. I've always been able to keep myself under control and force myself to get crap done, and have always had straight As as a result… so this is kind of hard to digest. But next semester I'm determined to do better--largely because I know, if I don't, I could lose my scholarship and be stuck back in this house for much longer :/.


So, what's next? CHRISTMAS!! :D :D :D. I've done the majority of my shopping online, and am worried that gifts won't arrive before I head back to college (when I'm planning on giving my friends their gifts), but a few things have arrived and been wrapped :). I've already received two very thoughtful gifts from friends, and it's making me even more excited to GIVE gifts! I want to make people as happy as those made me :). My sister and brother and his wife will be coming over Christmas eve to celebrate, and I'm really looking forward to it. Well, I think I'm finally caught up… my goal was to be posting about Christmas BY Christmas, and there you have it. I hope that your holidays all go fantastically, and that you're able to spend time with those you love. That's what really matters in the end, anyway… the people you love, the relationships you have with them, and what you really mean to eachother. I've been so blessed to make such wonderful friends at school, and am looking forward to spending time with my 'family' again. I've also been blessed to have the siblings I do, and in a certain way I'm blessed to have my parents as well. They have, after all, helped shape me into who I am, made me stronger… and for that I'm grateful. There's a lot for me to be grateful for this holiday season, and I betcha there's a lot for you to be grateful for too--if you only take the time to think about it. Merry Christmas everyone, and God bless,

My Lonely Companion

She illuminates the sky,
a lantern which brightens the night,
the clouds fly quickly by below…
How long it lasts, I never know,
the time goes by forever slowed
by beauty, natural and true.
I stand in the frigid cold,
remembering the tales of old,
of heroes and maidens fair,
which o'er and o'er have been told.
My breath catches her light,
I miss him with all my might,
but he's gone away another day
and all I can do is wait.
The tales cease passing through my mind,
leaving only memories of he and I,
I hold them close, they warm my heart,
it pains us to be apart.
And yet I smile up at her,
bask in her reflective light,
she is my companion here,
in her peace is found tonight,
I wonder if she's lonely now, forever far away…

My Fall Break/Halloween

Hey everyone! I just thought I'd post about my fall break/Halloween weekend/Monday, because quite a few funny stories stemmed from the events that happened over those few days, and I thought it might be nice to make y'all laugh a little :). First off, a friend named Jonathon and I went to another friend's, my suitemate Katelyn's actually, house for fall break, to go to her church's Lebanese/Middle Eastern food festival and a local haunted furnace that had been converted into a haunted house (cue lightning). While at the food festival, I ate Kibbee, a delicious Lebanese dish, as well as kaak (which is somewhat cookie like and said 'kike'). I also bought my sister a bedlah (one of those jingly jangly skirt things the dancers wear), much to the amusement of my friends, who joked it was really for me.

After the food festival, Katelyn, David (her cousin), Ryan (her brother), Jonathon and I all headed to the furnace, and I've got to say, it was a TON of fun. Partly because I discovered that I completely FAIL at haunted houses--I kept laughing! I was truly in amazement at the makeup jobs these people had… it was so impressive! Funny story: at one point, this monster guy was shouting something, and I didn't understand him, so I yelled 'what did you say?', and then he hopped up on the other side of the fence from us and shouted 'do you wanna die little girl?.' He wound up asking if I wanted him to come over the fence, to which I responded 'I just wanted to know what you said!,' and he wound up doing just that. While he was storming in my general direction, I raised my hand, because I wasn't sure he'd be able to see me in the dark, and he yelled 'I can find you little girl! You don't need to be raisin' your hand!'. After he came over, he threatened to take out my teeth and kill me and all sorts of stuff, and I just said I was sorry, I just wanted to know what he'd said xD. He also said that I was gonna bust my head open inside the furnace, and that he'd come steal my teeth then, and I said 'thank you for waiting until they're out of my head!' automatically, cause seriously, who wants their teeth ripped out? Katelyn was livid that I'd 'attracted' the monster to us, and I said I'd try to do better. I guess that pretty much sums up my general attitude throughout the haunted furnace--genuinely impressed and fascinated, but not remotely scared, and cracking up quite a bit.

After the furnace, we went back to Katelyn's house, and then we watched Elizabethtown per Jonathon's recommendation. It was actually really funny and heartwarming, and I loved it :). After the movie, he and I just talked for a while, until eventually we fell asleep.

On Monday, Halloween, a couple days after our visit at Katelyn's house, she approached me and said that she was upset with me, that I was a terrible house guest, and that I'd offended her mother by acting 'weird'. The point is my Halloween had a bit of a rough start. But getting into costume (I was a ballerina style bat) was fun, and so was eating with Jonathon and Katelyn despite the unresolved tensions. Jonathon was a pirate for the first half of the day, and the Phantom of the Opera for the night (and our friend Lin was his Christine). Katelyn was a creepy porcelain doll, and other costumes of my good friends include Slytherin quidditch player, Cheshire cat, and Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Overall, Halloween was a lot of fun.
Random related things:

• You know that bedlah I got for my sister? Turns out she just bought one, so I get to keep the one I got--it WAS for me, after all, much to my friends' amusement.
  
• One of the main parts of Elizabethtown is when one of the characters sends another off on a journey, with a map that begins "this is a very unusual map"--remember that one for a future post ;).
  
• Jonathon suggested writing thank you notes to Katelyn's family for letting us stay, and within mine was an apology for whatever I did to offend. While chatting with Katelyn the other day, she said her mom said thanks for the note.
  
• I'm really freaking tired.

So... I Fail

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in forever, I'm just so freakin' stinkin' busy all the time, and my new laptop hates blogger so I have to use a different computer in order to post (which is why you're getting a music post and an update at the same time--they're both been waiting for me to get on another machine). So, general info: I dropped my honors chem class because I couldn't keep up with the homework and was bombing it, and replaced it with an online art history class, which I'm not doing so hot in right now. I'm writing a couple papers a week and am overwhelmed, and am writing this at 4:44 am on Tuesday… and at 9:30am on Tuesday I've got a four page essay due for English I haven't written at all, and at 11:00am on Tuesday I've got a 2 page reaction paper due I haven't even read the material for, and at 11:00pm on Tuesday I've got two biology homework sections due, and at 12:00pm on Wednesday I've got a monstrous research paper/lab write up due that I haven't started, as well as a test on material I haven't studied. Oi. Pray for me, please, those of you who pray… aside from the academic failures I'm succeeding at left and right, life is going okay: two of my friends are now in a relationship with eachother, which makes me happy, because they're both great and they make eachother happy :). I got to help out a friend with his art project, which involved painting giant multi-colored wooden pieces, and I wound up with paint all over me and my hair… and it has yet to wash off xD. I watched the sun rise with said friend, painted a giant banner for my dorm, went to the homecoming football game, and a bunch of other crap, mostly involving eating xD. I'm about to fall asleep, which isn't allowed considering all I have to do, so that sucks. I better stop writing this post and get back to my essay… I miss you a lot, Lauren and Bleah and Steph and Steph and Raisa and Antonia and Shaynie and Lia and Amanda and Max andddddddd well, it is now 6:17 am, I passed out mid sentence… sigh. Anyway, even if you're not named, and you know I love you--just a reminder :). Now back to that essay!

Questions I Ponder...

Is wearing short-shorts immodest, or can they be worn when used in balance with a loose fitting longer top without compromising my personal standards of decency?

What on earth made James Cameron think he had the right to call Sanctum 'based on a true story'?!?! I was feeling so horrible for the families of the people who suffered such horrible fates, then find out later it was all fake. W.T.H!?!

When someone is retelling a funny story, and they get something wrong, is it rude to interrupt and correct them, since it isn't life changing anyway, or is allowing them to make that mistake and mislead those listening wrong?

How old was I when I figured out how to take my socks off while sleeping?

Should I take the time to write out my opinions on the symbolism of the movie I Am Legend and its alternate ending, which I've been wanting to rant about for ages, or would that bore people?

Does my college have a Bowflex treadclimber in its gym?

Why can't I tag the page of my favorite radio station in a status update on facebook?

This fall I'll have the opportunity to completely reinvent myself-just how much do I want to reinvent? Appearance, outlook, behavior, beliefs?

Am I the only person who thinks that zombies are people too?

Australians DO use the f-bomb more than Americans, right? Because in the couple Aussie books I've read and Aussie bands I've listened to, it seems like it is a more commonly used word. Plus, Liam Hemsworth was totally dropping the f-bomb around 11 year olds… and I KNOW I've heard that Australians use it more commonly than Americans before. Anyone else heard that?

Have I taken my meds this morning?

Can you tell I pulled an all-nighter?

Should I get off of blogger now? Yes, yes I should...

Recovering from the Weirdest Day of My Life (thus far)

This tale is not for those who are weak of heart, because it’s really freaking weird. Oh, and HG Lova, you kind of have to read this. Today, I did the following:

Went to physics class, which was a review in prep for the final, and other than me looking like crap because I had a random unexpected breakout on the side of my face, it went great.

Came home because I was starving because I hadn’t eaten, only to realize I didn’t have TIME to eat-I was running late for a doctor’s appointment.

On my way to the doctor, got in a car accident with one other vehicle, holding three generations of women (my first accident ever).

I melted into a puddle of hyperventilating and waterworks, repeating over and over “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry” (I think I was in shock).

The two younger people with whom I collided were from Maine, visiting the third person, the grandmother, who was behind the wheel. The middle woman grew up in the Bahamas, because the grandmother was a missionary, and the young daughter also grew up in the Bahamas.

The younger daughter was 19, and very nice, and homeschooled. She told me they lived in Maine with a large garden and lots of farm animals, and that she was the youngest of seven siblings, all of whom were married. She reminded me to trust in God while making all of the huge decisions that come with graduation, a reminder which I desperately needed.

My entire town lost power, so I couldn’t get a hold of the insurance guy and my mom couldn’t look up the doctor’s phone number to tell him I’d be late.

My dad arrived at the scene of the crime to assess the damage and make a decision whether to work it out personally or bring in the cops (which the other people did NOT want, at all).

We agreed to go to an Auto Body shop that the grandmother always used in order to get an estimate on the price of the repair of their headlight area (which slammed into the side of my car, which we will not repair… I’d have to pay to fix it, and honestly the car still drives, so I’m okay with it).

It wasn’t her first collision, and she knew the man who ran the auto body shop.

After hearing his name, my dad asked if he was related to a recently departed family friend, and it turns out he was. They wound up talking about Mr. Terry for a while, and Mr. Terry was such a good, Godly, man, so I started fighting tears again.

A price was settled upon, and the man said he would do part of the work for free (generosity which was completely unexpected).

Both vehicles went to the bank, where my dad got a cashier’s check and paid them the agreed amount. Then we said goodbye to the missionary family from Maine, who really were a blessing to get in an accident with (I mean, what if it had been an angry man?!?!).

We swung by the doctor to see if I could be seen, and I couldn’t for forty five minutes, so we went home so I could eat.

We arrived, and my mom said she’d take me to the doctor and we’d go to her interview for a great job afterward, and I STILL didn’t have time to eat, because I was running around doing stuff to help her get ready.

Momma and I went to the GI doctor (I’ve been having severe stomach pains and digestive issues for months now, and we thought antibiotics fixed the mystery problem but they didn’t, so I got a CT a bit back and they found out I have malrotation. Click the link if you want to know just how screwed up I am.). The doctor suggested a second colonoscopy, this time a full one, but he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to do it because my intestine is shaped like a paper clip (again, click the above link for details). We scheduled it for Friday morning, which means I can’t eat anything after midnight tonight, and need to prep(drink some colon cleansing crap) tomorrow.

After the doctor’s appointment, we rushed to the hospital for my mom’s interview at a mother/baby unit. My mom is a CNA :). I sat and watched John Wayne movies while my mom had her interview and went on a tour, and everything went AMAZING, and she’s pretty much hired. It was a real high-point for the day.

We FINALLY ate, hitting the amazing Cracker Barrel, and when we arrived my dad called and told me I had a message that would excite me when I got home-and that it had to do with a casting call I went to (click the link for details).

The food was great, but we had to hurry, because we still had errands and haircuts were scheduled for tonight.

After eating, we hit Michael’s and I got some more triangular gems (the triangular sunshine earrings sold, but I know they were a favorite of some of my giveaway enterers, so I’m making more).

After Michael’s, we came home, and I listened to the message. I am one of the very first extras to be cast in the Hunger Games movie, and was told that I definitely should be excited, as I was one of the first picks. My only hesitation was scheduling-I have my college orientation May 30-June 1.

I called the casting agency back, and scheduled a sitting/costume fitting for tomorrow morning at 9 am. The lady, when she heard about my orientation days, was wary, but I was crossing my fingers I’d be able to reschedule.

After that was straightened out, I sat down and was looking for the email address of the orientation people, to ask how easy it was to change days, when THEY CALLED ME TO ASK IF I HAD QUESTIONS. No bull, I was looking for the email, and they called that moment about my orientation.

Turns out, it should be easy to swap days, so when I go tomorrow I’m just going to wait and see what the filming days wind up being.

In summary, today I went to school, got in a car accident, scheduled a colonoscopy, my mom got hired at an awesome place, and I got cast in the movie of my dreams. Pretty much the weirdest day of my entire life. I mean, how RANDOM can you get? The people I collided with were amazing, the repair guy was a friend of a friend, and the phone rang just as I was looking for the email of the caller? Super freaky. SO, the next few days will be just as weird:

Thursday, 9am, going to my HG sitting/fitting.

At 12, I begin my prepping for the colonoscopy.

When at home, I need to take all of my EOG testing in one day.

On Friday, I have my colonoscopy in the morning, and will be out of it all day.

On Saturday, we leave for vacation, which is why I have to hurry it up with the EOGs.

Is my life insane? You tell me.

A Work-in-Progress (That's Me!)

Are you perfect? I definitely know I'm not. But I have a problem with that. You see, I've always struggled with perfectionism to the extreme, and academically have always excelled, with perfect grades all the time. I think the issue originated with my dad-I felt like no matter what I did, if I didn't do everything perfectly, he'd find fault and yell at me for it. I felt like, unless I was perfect, he didn't love me. It took me a while to catch on that it didn't matter if I DID manage to do it all perfectly… you can't make someone love you. But that isn't the point here today- the point is that one of my favorite authors ever, Wendelin Van Draanen, and her husband Mark Parsons (also an author), recently really helped me gain some perspective. He wrote a brilliant post called Anything is Better Than Nothing(click for the original post), about taking things one step at a time, and about doing as much as you can and then moving on. I commented sharing my frustrations with myself and perfection, and both of them took the time to give me some amazing advice. I know I'm not the only one who has a perfectionism issue, and really want to share their words of wisdom with you guys. From the lovely Wendelin,

"Elizabeth! I just posted this week's entry when your comment chimed in. I so want to HUG YOU and tell you to not be so hard on yourself. Everything is a work-in-progress, especially ourselves. So just work and progress on your essay and on letting yourself be human. It's OKAY!"

And then from Mr. Mark,

"Some things to keep in mind: When in high school, no one ever asks what grade you got in 7th grade history, right? And once you’re accepted into college, no one cares about how well you did in algebra as a high school freshman. And after you finish college, NO ONE will ever ask what your GPA in college was – they just want to know what your degree was in. And finally, in the ‘real world’ after academia, there aren’t specific letter grades at all for most activities, even work-related ones. The metric that really matters is, how happy & healthy are you and the ones you love? And sometimes, the more you can let perfection go in favor of balance, the happier you might be. So… a lower grade can actually lead to a higher grade, if you can let things go. ‘Letting go’ doesn’t mean you don’t care. It just means you realize that there is a finite amount of time and energy to dedicate to any one project, so when you’ve done the best you can do at that particular point in time, you pat your project on the head and put it out there into the universe with good wishes, then you get on to the next thing. Saying you’re ‘imperfect’ is simply saying you’re human. Welcome to the club - we are all imperfect in some way or another. And sometimes those little imperfections are what give us character and uniqueness, so hooray for imperfection! (And speaking as a musician, perfection = boring.) I think Wendelin has it exactly right – we are all a work-in-progress. As long as we care, and we try to improve and explore and grow, we’re on the right path. No matter how imperfect the results at that particular time."

Their words really spoke to me, and I wasn't in a good place emotionally at the time, so I couldn't be more grateful to them for helping me through that really rough night/several days. I really hope that their words can touch your heart as well, and that if you're like me in regards to perfectionism, you'll join me on the mission of accepting imperfections. Love you guys <3 P.S. Her blog is awesome in general, as are her books, so if you want to learn more, check it out here.

Random Lizard Picture