So... I Fail

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in forever, I'm just so freakin' stinkin' busy all the time, and my new laptop hates blogger so I have to use a different computer in order to post (which is why you're getting a music post and an update at the same time--they're both been waiting for me to get on another machine). So, general info: I dropped my honors chem class because I couldn't keep up with the homework and was bombing it, and replaced it with an online art history class, which I'm not doing so hot in right now. I'm writing a couple papers a week and am overwhelmed, and am writing this at 4:44 am on Tuesday… and at 9:30am on Tuesday I've got a four page essay due for English I haven't written at all, and at 11:00am on Tuesday I've got a 2 page reaction paper due I haven't even read the material for, and at 11:00pm on Tuesday I've got two biology homework sections due, and at 12:00pm on Wednesday I've got a monstrous research paper/lab write up due that I haven't started, as well as a test on material I haven't studied. Oi. Pray for me, please, those of you who pray… aside from the academic failures I'm succeeding at left and right, life is going okay: two of my friends are now in a relationship with eachother, which makes me happy, because they're both great and they make eachother happy :). I got to help out a friend with his art project, which involved painting giant multi-colored wooden pieces, and I wound up with paint all over me and my hair… and it has yet to wash off xD. I watched the sun rise with said friend, painted a giant banner for my dorm, went to the homecoming football game, and a bunch of other crap, mostly involving eating xD. I'm about to fall asleep, which isn't allowed considering all I have to do, so that sucks. I better stop writing this post and get back to my essay… I miss you a lot, Lauren and Bleah and Steph and Steph and Raisa and Antonia and Shaynie and Lia and Amanda and Max andddddddd well, it is now 6:17 am, I passed out mid sentence… sigh. Anyway, even if you're not named, and you know I love you--just a reminder :). Now back to that essay!

A Work-in-Progress (That's Me!)

Are you perfect? I definitely know I'm not. But I have a problem with that. You see, I've always struggled with perfectionism to the extreme, and academically have always excelled, with perfect grades all the time. I think the issue originated with my dad-I felt like no matter what I did, if I didn't do everything perfectly, he'd find fault and yell at me for it. I felt like, unless I was perfect, he didn't love me. It took me a while to catch on that it didn't matter if I DID manage to do it all perfectly… you can't make someone love you. But that isn't the point here today- the point is that one of my favorite authors ever, Wendelin Van Draanen, and her husband Mark Parsons (also an author), recently really helped me gain some perspective. He wrote a brilliant post called Anything is Better Than Nothing(click for the original post), about taking things one step at a time, and about doing as much as you can and then moving on. I commented sharing my frustrations with myself and perfection, and both of them took the time to give me some amazing advice. I know I'm not the only one who has a perfectionism issue, and really want to share their words of wisdom with you guys. From the lovely Wendelin,

"Elizabeth! I just posted this week's entry when your comment chimed in. I so want to HUG YOU and tell you to not be so hard on yourself. Everything is a work-in-progress, especially ourselves. So just work and progress on your essay and on letting yourself be human. It's OKAY!"

And then from Mr. Mark,

"Some things to keep in mind: When in high school, no one ever asks what grade you got in 7th grade history, right? And once you’re accepted into college, no one cares about how well you did in algebra as a high school freshman. And after you finish college, NO ONE will ever ask what your GPA in college was – they just want to know what your degree was in. And finally, in the ‘real world’ after academia, there aren’t specific letter grades at all for most activities, even work-related ones. The metric that really matters is, how happy & healthy are you and the ones you love? And sometimes, the more you can let perfection go in favor of balance, the happier you might be. So… a lower grade can actually lead to a higher grade, if you can let things go. ‘Letting go’ doesn’t mean you don’t care. It just means you realize that there is a finite amount of time and energy to dedicate to any one project, so when you’ve done the best you can do at that particular point in time, you pat your project on the head and put it out there into the universe with good wishes, then you get on to the next thing. Saying you’re ‘imperfect’ is simply saying you’re human. Welcome to the club - we are all imperfect in some way or another. And sometimes those little imperfections are what give us character and uniqueness, so hooray for imperfection! (And speaking as a musician, perfection = boring.) I think Wendelin has it exactly right – we are all a work-in-progress. As long as we care, and we try to improve and explore and grow, we’re on the right path. No matter how imperfect the results at that particular time."

Their words really spoke to me, and I wasn't in a good place emotionally at the time, so I couldn't be more grateful to them for helping me through that really rough night/several days. I really hope that their words can touch your heart as well, and that if you're like me in regards to perfectionism, you'll join me on the mission of accepting imperfections. Love you guys <3 P.S. Her blog is awesome in general, as are her books, so if you want to learn more, check it out here.

Where is the Love? (and What's With All the Hate?)

Hey everyone! First off, I'd like to thank Victoria and Nahla for following (and thanks Victoria for the comment & prayer)! It was such a pleasant surprise to see that you'd found my blog worth reading, and that I'd hit the big 4-0: my blog is officially over the hill ;). Kind of exciting :D. And now, onto the reason I'm writing this post…

For quite a while now, I've been growing increasingly aggravated by the way people behave online. I'm talking about the catty insults and comments through almost every social network, from anonymous jackholes and 'friends' alike. I wasn't bothered by it on Blogger, which is why this is where I'd spend the most time online-a positive environment with people who have better things to do than flame eachother. However, even here, lately things have been rough. About a week ago, I decided to get a Formspring account, because I knew a couple people who had them and thought it sounded fun. Once I got on and made some connections, I was appalled by the things some people were being told, and deeply angered by the cowardice of anonymous 'questions' that recommend suicide and do nothing but insult and tear down their target. I haven't just seen it on one page, either-it seems to be happening all over the place! What bothers me in a very different way is when friends fight over nothing, and things get blown out of hand, because they choose to speak before they think. Recently the amazing Ayla wrote a post on this issue, and instead of me getting worked up and rambling about just how wrong it all is, I'm going to share some of her well chosen words with you.

"...this hate isn't coming from low-life spammers anymore. This is coming from people we used to be friends with.
I'm going to come out with it: WHERE IS THE LOVE? What happened to when we could all log on to Blogger and say what we wanted without people trying to shove their own beliefs down our throats? What happened to being able to stand up for our rights without being accused of, among many other things, a "satanist" "disgusting" "fat" "ugly" "putrid", or, my personal favourite (read: sarcasm) "A piece of trash"…"

"…I'm not accusing ANYBODY who I follow, have followed or who I've emailed. This is about a problem Blogger is experiencing IN GENERAL. I understand standing up for your beliefs. But does that mean you have to tear someone else's down? Aren't some of the things God teaches are patience, love, and tolerance?
Jealously, hatred, fighting - they don't impress anybody."

Read the complete post HERE, it is worth your time.

I know that I don't always make the best decisions when communicating online-the aforementioned jackholes really deeply anger me, and sometimes my words are not well chosen. Nobody is perfect. But I'm really trying to pay attention to how I treat others, in my personal and family life, as well as in online communities. I know where my weaknesses are (when I don't believe something is fair, for example, I'm quite a stubborn mule for what I see as justice and a volcano of pure fury-gotta work on how to EXPRESS those feelings in a more respectful way that people can understand). And I think something people often forget is that it isn't always what you say-it is HOW you say it. What I'm asking is that anyone reading take the time to think about the way they're acting, try and assess the way they handle situations they don't like, particularly online. This isn't going to get fixed unless we all make an effort-though I have to say you guys pretty much rock, and I haven't seen too much trouble from ya ;). Sorry for the dreary post-just needed to let some of this frustration out. Anybody sympathize?

I'm Not Thin Enough, I'm Not Nice Enough, I'm Not Pretty Enough

Hey everyone! A couple days ago, Ayla, from To Walk Barefoot, wrote a great post on the way that young women view their images and determine self worth. And it came straight from her heart.

The other day, a friend who shall remain nameless was staying over at my house. We were just hanging, eating chocolate and watching movies (as you do at sleepovers) and she just suddenly stopped talking and stopped doing anything. I asked her what was wrong.
She told me, "I'm sick of being like this" and gestured to her whole body. She said, "I'm sick of not being what everybody wants. I'm sick of being me. I'm not thin enough, I'm not nice enough, I'm not pretty enough."

If you've ever felt like her friend did, even a little bit, read the rest of the post

here.

And even if you've never struggled with your body, but you've struggled with who you really are as a person-it's worth your time. It is exactly what I needed, and I thought maybe some of you need to hear it as well. Wishing all of you beautiful people the best,

--
´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*

Oh, It Is Love (Holiday Update + An Acceptance Letter!)

"How was your winter break?"

"Three days were wonderful, and the rest pretty much sucked. How was your break?"

Hmmm… not sure if honesty is the most socially accepted way to answer that question, but honesty IS the best policy, so I just might go with that. You see, I was thinking the other day about school starting back, and what I'd say to those smiling faces who actually dare to try talking to the sullen mute depressing blah I've become. And in my head, that was the simplest summary of my break possible. Which caused me to seriously think about WHY that was the case. Well, how about we look at those three wonderful days?

My 18th Birthday-my family and I went to see Tron in theaters, and met Henry there :). On the way there, my dad was a total jerk and actually shocked us all into silence with his hostility. I mean, it was my 18th birthday, AND I wasn't feeling too good, and he chooses right before we get to the theater to go psycho about tickets and how I shouldn't assume that he was paying for ANYTHING and more I don't even want to think about right now. My mom sister and I were taken aback, and I wanted to beat the snot out of him, but when we were walking up to the theater and I saw Henry I felt worlds better. We all watched the movie, and afterward came home and I had a peanut butter fudge shake from Sonic while everyone else ate pizza. Then, Henry and I watched How To Train Your Dragon in the living room, and I fell asleep… I was still on pain meds and antibiotics, and had been fighting to keep my eyes open all day. It was great, though, because he was still there when I woke up, and gave me the most wonderful birthday card ever written, and was there to hold me as I fought tears of joy ^_^. So, bottom line, my birthday started really rough but wound up wonderful :).

Christmas Eve-my brother and his wife came over, and we opened up a couple gifts, and they gave us their Wii :D. We played it for most of the night, and there was a lot of laughter as my mom learned how to drive on Mariokart XD. After they left, we opened the rest of our gifts, and people liked what I gave them, and I loved my presents, and it was just a lot of fun. I loved seeing momma HAPPY… when she smiles it really does warm my heart. She doesn't smile enough… during the holiday season we call my dad the Grinch, and Christmas is always a desperate attempt to make the day great despite the familial warfare, and this year WE BEASTED. So yeah, I'm happy about it.

December 28th-Henry invited me to celebrate Christmas with his family, and they were getting together that evening. We ate, and talked, and his family is pretty amazing :). They opened gifts, and his family and his aunt actually got me presents, which I wasn't expecting at all, and about made me cry happily... Henry loved his gift(a clan crest key fob-his family is of Scottish descent), which made my lungs feel like they were going to burst I was so relieved and overjoyed!!! I thought it was cool, and was hoping he did too :D :D :D. I gave MG, his awesome sister, Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen and The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, both of which are personal favorites. She hasn't gotten to HG yet, but read Flipped and loved it! YAY! Anyway, after we opened presents us three, Henry, MG, and I, went outside and played in the snow-something I haven't done in years. The stars shone brightly, and we laughed, and pelted each other with snow, and made snow angels, and more :). It was just a magical evening ^_^.

And the rest of the days of my break? I worked some (got told to look for another job by my manager, who simply said that I wasn't 'raunchy and wild' enough to fit in with my coworkers, and just didn't belong. Not kidding. I'm okay with it though… I'll explain further if anyone cares to hear details), slept a LOT (I met with a clinical psychologist, who I didn't like that all, and he prescribed a low dose antidepressant to help me cope with my 'situational depression', which I DO like because it seems to be helping, but it made me freakishly drowsy all the time, so I'm now taking it at night), and was mostly home with my dad… and we don't get along. When the new year arrived, I was home alone with D. A little while after an awkward toast, I went to the bathroom and was fighting tears, chewing myself out for being an emotional wreck. This year will be a HUGE one for me-I'm FINALLY moving out, going to college, growing up, breaking FREE from this prison. I'm going to need my mom's support more than ever… and she, and my sister, were at work when the ball dropped. It wasn't their fault, and I'm not mad about it at all, it just felt wrong. Everything has felt wrong lately. The biggest difference between those few great days and all of the crappy ones is who I was with. On those three days, I was with people I love, and who love me. I was able to laugh, able to smile… and the rest, not so much. I'm sorry I haven't posted, or read your posts or commented. I'm just disconnected right now, emotionally detached, and haven't even been checking my email.

Anyway, on a VERY POSITIVE NOTE: I've been accepted to the Great University, and received the Presidential Scholarship-which means full tuition! It is really amazing, and I'm so fortunate… I'll be going there next weekend for a scholars' dinner and a campus tour. I can't wait! Right now that is the only college that has given me a response, but I can't imagine getting a better offer than that…. I guess I'll see ^_^. I'm also making another college visit next week, and school starts back tomorrow, so I'm going to have to snap out of this and really get myself moving. There is too much to be done for me to be a space cadet! Thankfully I know that no matter how hard it gets, I'll make it-because I'm not alone, no matter how alone I feel sometimes. I am loved, and focusing on that fact is what has allowed me to smile at all during my time in this house. Soon enough, I will be free… anyway, I'm sorry for vanishing everyone. I hope you haven't given up on me! I also hope that you had a wonderful Christmas, that you were able to spend time with loved ones, and that this coming year is better than last year was for all of you :).

--

"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.

In your head, in your head they are fighting,

With their tanks and their bombs,

And their bombs and their guns.

In your head, in your head, they are crying..."

´¨)

¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)

(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *

(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)

¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *

(¸.·´*

Dental Care

On Monday, my wisdom teeth were removed. First off, let me say that my dentist is amazing-what went wrong wasn't his fault, and I still trust him. He is actually a great man, and got me interested in maxillofacial surgery when I was 12 or 13 (even gave me a book on it, which I love), and is now trying to help me find financial aid options for Harvard. My teeth just happened to have grown into my jaw bones (called impaction), and they had to be sawn out. I was under much longer than expected, which means that my mouth was stretched open much longer than expected. As a result, the muscle fibers were pulled apart, and then when the operation was over they over-constricted, making me unable to open my mouth (which is called trismus). I had some pretty severe swelling, and on Tuesday my face was huge, but didn't hurt too bad. I took my medicine like a good girl, and laughed at my sister's 'chubby bunny' jokes. It hurt to talk and smile, but if I didn't move too much, I was alright.

"Talking only brings the toothaches on
Because I say the stupidest things
So if my resolve goes south
I'll swallow my pride with an aspirin
And shut my mouth"

Then, on Wednesday morning, I woke up at 5:12am crying like a baby because it hurt horribly, and my face was twice as large as the day before. The general lack of substantial food combined with my pain medicine (the main side effect of which is dizziness), meant I was kind of delirious and spent a lot of time fighting to keep my eyes open. You know that look that little boys get on their face when they see something gross, but fascinating? The slight head tilt and raising of the lip, with part of a smile and that certain 'whoa…' look in their widened eyes? That is how my MOM looked at me when she saw my watermelon of a head that morning. I couldn't go to school, and because it was obviously not normal, we called the dentist and went in there to see him, and he was pretty upset. Actually, his first question was "who are you?"! He then looked me in the eye, and said 'it hurts doesn't it?' and I nodded and was trying not to cry, and he said 'come here' and gave me a hug. Then, after we'd talked some about the pain, he asked me if I could open my mouth so he could check it out, and I was trying really hard but couldn't.
And so the torture commenced-he warned me it would hurt really bad, and then proceeded to try and stretch my jaw out. I have never felt pain like that (it was worse than my screwed up neck, for crying out loud!), and I was trying not to freak out because I knew he felt bad. I cried some, and was hyperventilating, and then my legs started shaking like crazy, all of which made me mad at myself because I hate being such a flipping drama queen! Eventually, he said 'I can't take this… it is like doing it to one of my kids!' and left the room with tears in his eyes. The nurse/hygienist lady was told to try it again in a minute, but she didn't. Instead, she told me to try it myself at home as much as possible, and I have been doing it some, just a little at a time. It makes me bleed a lot more, unfortunately :-P. When the dentist came back, he apologized for the pain and explained again how much he hates hurting people in general, and especially those he knows really well.
He gave me a shot in my arm to help with the pain and swelling, which was my favorite part of the visit-I have no problem whatsoever with needles, and my mom was freaking out, but I was able to tell her that I was okay and make her feel better. Calming her down helped to calm me down-my breathing became steady and I managed to smile! DEFINITELY my favorite part of the visit :D. He also prescribed an antibiotic, to help prevent infection. I asked how soon I would be back to normal, and he said not until Monday. My 18th birthday is Saturday. I will be forced to break the unwritten rule: you must look your best on your birthday. CURSES. I am able to open my mouth more now, though, which is great. It means I can eat with a spoon instead of just slurping stuff! And, thankfully, my Physics teacher has scheduled a teleconference for tonight to make up for me missing class on Wednesday, which was a master review in preparation for the final, so I'm very grateful for that as well. At this point, I'm just hoping the swelling and pain will go down some… at least enough for me to ignore it. Well, my head is spinning again from looking at this screen too long, so I better go…. Sorry for not commenting much, I haven't been awake and mentally functioning enough to read many posts, but I'm trying to get caught up.

Edit: This post was written yesterday, and since then the swelling has gone down some :D. I won't be normal tomorrow(as if I'm ever normal...), but I won't have a watermelon head either! Just a little swelling and (now) bruising. The physics review was also pretty helpful, I just need to study some more before I take the final. Well, I better go now. Thanks for reading, you really do rock ^_^.


´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*

Music That Moves Us: Life Starts Now (my first guest post!)

Hello everyone! I'll post more about what happened later, but the bottom line is my wisdom teeth removal did not go well. I'm really swollen, and dizzy from the medicine, and was talking to my wonderful friend Henry about my music that moves me post-I had a great song picked out, but was struggling with writing anything decent because I'm so messed up right now(I'll post on that song another time). Then, I asked if he'd like to guest post! He has great taste in music, and is a great writer, and I'm honored that he is willing to do this for me! Thanks Henry-you're a life saver :). Without further ado, his post:

"You say you feel so down
Every time I turn around
And you say you should've been gone by now
And you, you think that everything's wrong
You ask me how to carry on
We'll make it through another day just hold on.

Cause life starts now.
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow
And you're so far down
But you will survive it somehow because life starts now"
Life Starts Now-Three Days Grace

I like this song because the singer encourages us that we will survive "it" somehow. When we're feeling down, sometimes it's so hard to see the bigger picture. Life doesn't end when we fail to do the thing we attempt; life starts NOW, when we make these decisions that will alter our attitudes and worldview. You can choose to remain down, and fix nothing, or you can get help from a friend, or parent or adult who has struggled with the same things you are going through (btw, if you don't feel like you have someone to talk to about your problems, I would urge you to talk to Elizabeth. She is a great encourager and sympathizer, and she will listen to you =) I'll let her give you her contact info). I guess one thing I'm trying to say is that you need someone to help you gain perspective over the situation. That's what the singer does for his friend in this song:

"All this pain,
Take this life and make it yours!
All this hate!
Take your heart and let it love again,
You will survive this somehow!!!"

When we lose perspective of what life means and what our purpose is, it's easy to feel like it's all over if we mess up. It is so important that you have a friend who can keep you focused, a friend who you can confide in with your decisions.

I hope the song helps you to keep perspective about life =) And I hope you enjoy! Take care,

-Henry

Thank you so much for this, Henry... great post :). And because I know how hard it can be sometimes to stay in perspective, and I know the value of encouragement and support and simply having someone to listen, I have no problem with talking any of you who need to let it out. My new email address is acollectionofreflections(at)gmail(dot)com, and don't hesitate to send me an email. I hope that you enjoyed this post, and the wonderful song! Also, thanks to Aaron/Nihil for following! Welcome to my bit of the blogosphere :). Thanks for reading everyone,


´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*

Music That Moves Me: The River (plus a mini-lecture, joy!)

"I've seen enough now
To know that beautiful things
Don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
To know this beautiful place
Isn't everything they say

I heard that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered"
Good Charlotte (ft. Avenged Sevenfold)

(The song ends at 3:15, after that there is a series of pictures of this person's dog, which passed away. Random, I know, but I can't blame them for doing a tribute. If you're listening, you can comment with your favorite dog breed ;)

Evil DOES come disguised, as something beautiful or fun or exciting and new. We slip into sin so easily, because to human eyes the lines of right and wrong can get blurry. And I think that it can be so easy to judge eachother based on those bad decisions we make-I know I don't care to hear about certain people's personal lives, because they are filled with sleeping around and getting drunk and high-because I HATE the choices they are making. But the bottom line is, we are ALL sinners, and we are ALL God's children. So hate the sin, by all means, but don't hate the sinner. I know it sounds cliched, but I see it all the time from self-proclaiming Christian youth-that condescending attitude toward the lost. Though I have never made those choices, I have lost touch of God before, and it isn't easy. I am a Christian, but don't advertise because I'm not a good one. My faith is weak-but I'm working on it. What I'm asking from those of you who do advertise is to show a little love to those who are lost. Don't make church and Christianity itself seem exclusive, because God isn't, and we all need His love.

"Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered"

Anyway, sorry for the mini-lecture... don't know where that came from. Let me know what you think of the song :). If you like it at all, check out Misery (another GC fave of mine). If you check out Misery, let me know what you think of it as well!
Also, a huge HELLO! to Raja-Man (who is my 25th follower! I was secretly hoping I'd hit 25 by Christmas, so yay for that!). Thanks for following, Raja-Man, I hope that you enjoy what you read here :).

--
´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*

The Recent Past and Not-So-Distant Future (in the form of a list!)

I wanted to update you all about what is going on with me, because things have been crazy, but I haven't much time to write a full post and I really need to get organized. What I've decided to do is write out a list, with what I've done in the past week first and then a To Do list for the upcoming week.

-Went to the doctor with my mom, who was having pain in the back of her head and in her eyes. My first thought was occipital lobe. When she got blood drawn, she suddenly shut down-slumped over some, stared blankly into the distance, was not responsive in any way. Couldn't get any reaction, not a blink or a movement or anything, for a long time. Eventually, she shuddered back to life, and tears were pouring down her face, but she still couldn't talk. After a very long while, and being given soda and crackers, she was back to normal, but that was pretty much the most afraid I've ever been. I thought she was dying right in front of me. Still don't know what was wrong. Trying to remain calm.

-Survived the December 1st application deadline, but not as successfully as I wanted. I got some in, but not others, and I haven't been that proud of any of my essays, so I'm not optimistic about the college hunting process right now.

-Last Wednesday, felt like a piece of crap, and didn't go to school. Head, stomach, everything was hurting. Felt better that evening, and bad again the next morning. Just messed up right now.

-Got written up at work. For the second time. I didn't post about the first time, because I got over it pretty quick and didn't dwell, but the second time followed the first far too quickly, and my hours are pretty minimal right now, and the 'problem' I have is 'being too slow'. If you aren't ever working, it is really hard to get practice and get faster, and I've had this job for a year and have NEVER been told I'm too slow until just recently, which ticks me off because if there was a problem before nobody bothered to tell me. The first time I was written up, I was also written up for questioning authority (which caught me off guard, because while that is my nature, I didn't realize I had done any such thing at work, at least, not unless it was warranted). The second time, I listened to a supervisor who told me not to do certain things which needed doing one night I worked, so I got written up for not doing my job(and so did the supervisor, for not doing her job, but SERIOUSLY?). I'm losing either way. If I get written up one more time, I'm fired. So… I need to figure out how to win. Really stinking badly.

-Went to my town's parade, for the first time-and was IN it-on the day of the first snow of the season for me :). The snow literally started falling as I pulled into the parking lot, and then came down really hard while we (it was a work thing, so 'we' means my bosses, coworkers, and I) decorated the float. Absolutely froze to death, got soaked, wasn't allowed to wear a coat, and still managed to enjoy myself ^_^. I mostly loved seeing customers from work and other people lining the streets, smiling, and little kids yelling 'SUBWAY ROCKS!' and getting to shout 'YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!' right back at them, while clumsily pelting them with candy because I couldn't feel my hands. First time driving in snow too, actually, which wasn't a big enough deal for me to realize until just this second. Lol :).

-Worked this past weekend, got upset with myself for not remembering a certain discount related rule. Just frustrated, because I feel that none of my coworkers like me, and I haven't done anything horribly offensive, and they're all complaining about me behind my back, but no one has the guts to be honest with ME. I'd rather be told straight up 'I don't like the way you do this and that' than get blindsided. Seriously, work is starting to feel like Survivor, and I'm not in any alliances, so... not sure how long I'll last at this point.

Yesterday and today, I worked on catching up with blogs and commenting. I've gotten the 78 unread/starred items in reader reduced to 25 :). I hate it when I read an awesome post, and want to comment, but I can't at the moment, so I mark it unread and/or star it, then I don't get around to it for several days :-P. I ALSO tried to catch up with my homework, which I am behind on. And so here is my homework To Do List:

• Finish Module Notes
• Finish Physics Test
• Finish Lab 7.1
• Prep Labs 8.1 and 8.2, including data tables
• Read two World History chapters
• Study World History

I need to have that all done by 7:45am Wednesday. THEN, after class, I get to go to therapy-for the first time. As a few of you may know, I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and while the concept of spilling my life's story to a complete stranger, who really can't do anything about my living situation, sounds pointless to me… talking it out is supposed to help. My mom scheduled it, and she went last week, and it helped her focus a bit, so we'll see how it goes. I'm… wary, and very… hesitant? about it. Definitely not excited. Kind of worried I'll either A) Sit there glaring at the woman, or B) Bawl and bawl and have to be dragged out by security. Have any of you battled depression and gone to therapy? Any advice?

On December 13th, I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out. I'm not worried about the procedure, just concerned that I'll still be slightly loopy when....(see next point)

On December 15th, I'm taking an in-class World History final, which I am truly concerned I will fail. I'm not saying that because I'm paranoid or so I can blow your minds with an 'unexpected' A; I know what I do and do not know, and all those names and dates go in one ear and out the other. I haven't failed a single class in highschool, my academic record is flawless, and this is the one class I NEED to pass in order to graduate. It is also the class that I have disliked the most, and retained the least information from. I aced Chemistry easy-but World History is killing me, largely because there haven't been any tests or major assignments beyond reading, so I don't know what I NEED to know and feel like I don't know anything, because there was so much information we read and I retained so little of it. So… wish me luck on that! :-P lol.

On December 18th, I am officially 18 years old! Officially an old fart, according to my friend. But he's already an old fart, so I think he's just trying to feel better about himself ;).

So anyway, things have been and will continue to be kind of crazy around my house. I'm stressed about a lot of different things, and am really worried about my mother's health. That incident at the doctor's office was so scary… anyway, if you could pray for her health, I'd appreciate it. And WOW, even just doing a point-by-point list of what is going on I wound up blabbing, and I left out TONS of information! Oh well, any of you who actually read this entire post-you get an imaginary cookie. Comment and tell me what kind of cookie you want, okay? I'll give it to you in the next post! :D Until next time, my wonderful readers (and I really am grateful for each of you :),

--
"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying..."


´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*

Vacation Log: Sunday (A day spent waiting in Walmart)

Sunday morning we had to call the maintenance people again and see if they could fix the AC in our room. More stuff got moved to the cold room out of the hot room, and I got a shower and got dressed so me and daddy could head to Wal-Mart and get my fishing license (we'd had to call my sister to get my social, because the card was hidden and not with us). It. Took. Forever. My dad was running around asking for someone to come to Sporting Goods to get a fishing license (it is a pain in the butt process), and we stood there for about 30 minutes, with no one helping us. Several people said "I'll get somebody to help you", and we heard it over the intercom that we needed help three times, but no one showed up.
Eventually my dad went and asked the man at the tire station if he knew who we should ask, and the tire guy said "I'll get somebody" and started making phone calls. He was very insistent; "These people have been waiting over 25 minutes, somebody needs to get down here now!", and eventually people did. Three people. Who argued about how to do it. And treated us like crap, and were entirely unapologetic, and all of them (even the nice tire guy) hated this one dude who was at the keyboard of the computer. The good thing that came of this nightmarish morning was while I was waiting, I worked on memorizing my social. And now I know it :). This bitty who came to help us asked my birthday, and before I finished saying a single word asked for my driver's license instead. I pulled it out and she snatched it, then she stared at it for a couple minutes, and eventually she said 'there it is!' and typed in my birthday. What the heck was that about?!?!? I understand if she needs proof, but her snappin' and snatchin' was unnecessary. Since I work with the public at my job, I'm a customer service critic and have high standards, but even by my dad's significantly lower standards what we went through today was ridiculous. I'm not a Walmart hater, I actually really like my local one, but the one by our place at the beach:

When we got back, we moved all of the stuff from the cold room back into the hot room which wasn't hot anymore :D. After dumping it all in our room, we hit the beach and started fishing. I forgot my camera, so I didn't get any pictures that day(sorry!). I didn't catch a single fish, but did bring in a couple crabs who were eating my bait :-P. And I had crabs crawling around on my feet, so momma called me a crab magnet. After a long day fishing, we headed back to the room and watched The Amazing Race followed by Undercover Boss…. Which once again, I'm watching now :D. I'm sorry about the lack of pictures, so here's another couple shots of the cute little frog!


Have any of YOU ever had a horrible customer service experience you want to vent about? Anyway, thank you all so much for reading and commenting!

--
"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying..."


´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)
(¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.· Elizabeth *´¨)
¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *
(¸.·´*