Life is Sweet/Happy New Year

Hey everyone! I just wanted to wish you all a very happy new year, and share with you the highlights of my 2011 and my goals and wishes for 2012.

2011 was a very eventful year for me, and a year in which I was very blessed. I got to spend more time with my sister than I have in ages, got to be an extra in the movie of my dreams as well as a TV show, became a National Merit Finalist, received an amazing scholarship to a great school, started my first year at college, and made some amazing new friends. I also got to celebrate the coming of the new year with one of my best friends from back in the fourth grade, and it reminded me that celebration of the new doesn't mean a complete abandon of the old. Just because I'm looking forward to and celebrating having a fresh start in 2012, doesn't mean I need to celebrate the ending of 2011. Because all in all, 2011 was a VERY good year. Sure, a lot went wrong. My cancer scare, my mom's various bouts of illness, and my craptastic grades last semester… but the fact is, the good outweighed the bad, big time. What can I say--life is sweet.

Dear God, thank you! Thank you for the year two thousand and eleven. Thank you for the opportunities you've given me. I'm sorry for not taking the chances I've been given and making the most of them--but I hope not to repeat that mistake this year. Thank you for Sarah. Thank you for all of my friends at school. Thank you for the people I love and the people who love me, at home, at school, and even those I only know through my little ol' blog. Just… thank you for everything. All of it. Both the good, and the bad which helps me appreciate the good all the more. Thank you for loving me even though I don't deserve it. I'm sorry for having such difficulty accepting it, accepting YOU. But thank you for it nonetheless.

2012 is the year in which the world will supposedly end. I don't know if that's happening or not, I don't know anything about the future for certain, but I do know that I'm going to make the most of what I can. This past year's blessings won't go to waste. My resolution? To do my best. To do my best to abandon my fear of failure. To do my best to trust. To do my best to love. To do my best to have faith. Because my best is really all I can do.

Happy new year, everyone, and God bless,

A Scavenger Hunt, a Dance, Finals, My Birthday, Old Salem, A Museum, Final Grades, and Upcoming Christmas.... The Readers Digest Version!

Hey everyone! Since my last update, I've attended a winter formal (dance), taken my finals, been sent back home for Christmas break, celebrated my 19th birthday, gone to Old Salem, gone to Reynolda House Museum, and gotten my final grades for the semester.

The formal was a lot of fun, as was the manner in which Jonathon asked me to it! I basically was sent on a cross campus scavenger hunt down memory lane, and it was pretty amazing :). Each clue was attached to a memory that he and I shared, and it was so wonderful reliving all of those good times at once! I also had to climb a tree for the first time in years, which was fun! We had a great time at the dance--even though Jonathon and I were dates, we still went with our group of friends, and we all had dinner together before we attended the formal. I wore my prom dress (some of you may remember it--very colorful), as did some of my friends, and one friend's sister curled my hair. Here's a pic of Jonathon and I from before the dance:


And here's a few candids:





In the weeks following formal, I had to prepare for and take my final exams. I actually did really well on my finals (95 in one, which required two essays to be written by hand in 2.5 hours… the scariest thing in the world for me xD), but even a 95 couldn't make up for the fact that I didn't finish half of my work on time… but more on that later.
Right now, I'm writing from NC, back at my parents house. I got a ride from another NC student at my college, who we met at a Charlotte summer send off party. Coming home from break filled me with apprehension, and I'm still a bit stressed to be here. Generally speaking, I'm looking forward to going HOME home--back to my residence hall. I am, however, enjoying some of my time here quite a bit, thanks to my sister. First off, we celebrated my birthday at Concord Mills (a mall, for those who aren't NC residents), and my brother and sis in law wound up meeting us there after a while. My facebook status from that night sums up what we did pretty well:



So that was my December 18th :). The 19th was a long day at the house (where I seem to be automatically discontented… need to work on that), but on the 20th Sarah and I went to Old Salem, and that night she let me sleep over at my brother's house (where she lives). When we got up on the 21st, Sarah asked if I wanted to hit an art museum, and naturally I said heck yes! :D. We went to the Reynolda House Museum of American Art, which had an exhibit on loan from the Smithsonian called Modern Masters. One of the pieces I liked:



Back to my grades--they suck this semester. I got one F (for an online course I repeatedly forgot about until I just gave up on catching up), one NC (for an ENGLISH course, which are typically my easiest courses… because I didn't turn in drafts for the second to last project, or the project itself, which were huge parts of the final grade. Everything I turned in I got great scores on), two D's (for my biology lab and for my liberal arts course, which I love), and one B (biology). Why are my grades so bad? Because I didn't complete half of the homework… I don't know how to explain, and don't want to make excuses, but I need to seriously reorganize my mind and stop with the perfectionism crap. I know I've posted it before, that I've got perfectionism issues, but they've never had these kinds of consequences before. I've always been able to keep myself under control and force myself to get crap done, and have always had straight As as a result… so this is kind of hard to digest. But next semester I'm determined to do better--largely because I know, if I don't, I could lose my scholarship and be stuck back in this house for much longer :/.


So, what's next? CHRISTMAS!! :D :D :D. I've done the majority of my shopping online, and am worried that gifts won't arrive before I head back to college (when I'm planning on giving my friends their gifts), but a few things have arrived and been wrapped :). I've already received two very thoughtful gifts from friends, and it's making me even more excited to GIVE gifts! I want to make people as happy as those made me :). My sister and brother and his wife will be coming over Christmas eve to celebrate, and I'm really looking forward to it. Well, I think I'm finally caught up… my goal was to be posting about Christmas BY Christmas, and there you have it. I hope that your holidays all go fantastically, and that you're able to spend time with those you love. That's what really matters in the end, anyway… the people you love, the relationships you have with them, and what you really mean to eachother. I've been so blessed to make such wonderful friends at school, and am looking forward to spending time with my 'family' again. I've also been blessed to have the siblings I do, and in a certain way I'm blessed to have my parents as well. They have, after all, helped shape me into who I am, made me stronger… and for that I'm grateful. There's a lot for me to be grateful for this holiday season, and I betcha there's a lot for you to be grateful for too--if you only take the time to think about it. Merry Christmas everyone, and God bless,

My Lonely Companion

She illuminates the sky,
a lantern which brightens the night,
the clouds fly quickly by below…
How long it lasts, I never know,
the time goes by forever slowed
by beauty, natural and true.
I stand in the frigid cold,
remembering the tales of old,
of heroes and maidens fair,
which o'er and o'er have been told.
My breath catches her light,
I miss him with all my might,
but he's gone away another day
and all I can do is wait.
The tales cease passing through my mind,
leaving only memories of he and I,
I hold them close, they warm my heart,
it pains us to be apart.
And yet I smile up at her,
bask in her reflective light,
she is my companion here,
in her peace is found tonight,
I wonder if she's lonely now, forever far away…

Giving Thanks

I started making a vlog for this post, but got interrupted three minutes in, and didn't really have the time/opportunity to start over. So here I go, typing it out--maybe I'll vlog again once I'm back in NC.

For thanksgiving, I rode with a complete and total stranger for 6 hours to SC, where we met up with my parents, with whom I headed down to GA where my grandparents live. I've decided not to post too much about my thanksgiving, which was relatively uneventful, and instead post about what over the course of that trip I was reminded to give thanks for--same difference ;).

• My friends--it was so hard saying goodbye before break, because my college friends are like my new family, and one was kind enough to walk with me to meet the guy I was riding with and make sure I'd be okay.

• My safety--riding with a guy I didn't know was stupid, and I was fortunate he was a decent human being.

• My sister's strength--she recently went through a tough breakup, but even though he was trying to hurt her via facebook and texts the whole trip she stayed strong through it all.

• My mom's love--she was so glad to see me after these months, and I felt very loved… my cousins failed to come over because they don't like being around people, even family, and don't talk… and I'm very lucky that I was raised by the woman I was.

• My papa's health--For many years now, there have been many scares regarding his health, but right now he's doing well, for which I am very grateful.

• ...and lastly, my freedom. From my parents constant bickering, from my mother telling me I'm hateful and evil just because I don't give her 100% of my attention 24/7… for my independence, for my new life, and for my ability to appreciate my old one nonetheless. For the strength it all has given me.

Anyway, I'm very grateful for my life, for my past, and my present, and my future. Right now, I'm half asleep, and am being spoken to, so I think I'm going to go now… love you guys,

When My Sibs Came to Town...

So a couple weekends ago, my brother, sister, and sister in law all came to visit me at college. My roommate was gone, and they brought an inflatable mattress and crashed in my room. Before their arrival, I was a nervous wreck, and was running around cleaning like a mad person. When I was finished cleaning, Jonathon came and gave me peanut butter and pretzels and tried to calm me down. Eventually they arrived, and I ran at them in the parking lot and attacked them with hugs. The first thing my brother said to me was 'you wear hats now!' xD. The first night they were here, we went to see the engineering college's presentation of Reduced Shakespeare Company, which was HYSTERICAL, with Jonathon and per his recommendation. They all had a fantastic time :). After that, we crashed in my room for a while, then went to dinner on the strip. When we came back, my brother and his wife went to sleep, and my sister and I headed up to 'the family room'--the study room where my friends and I all hang out. Most of the 'family' was in there, and it was so much fun to share them with my sister. Over the course of the evening, she broke up with her boyfriend, which wasn't easy for her. I think that being 9 hours away from him and having the support of myself and my friends really was the ideal situation for this to happen, and I'm grateful that she had the strength to do what she needed to do. Here is my brother crashed on the floor xD:

The next day I treated my sibs to dining hall food and gave them a bit of a walking tour, including the basement of the library and around the football stadium.

My brother kept playing with the lights in the basement, and I was running around turning them back on. In the afternoon, they went to Wal-Mart with a grocery list to do my shopping for me while I tried to do homework, and while they were gone I wound up napping, then being woken with a phone call from Jonathon, who wound up throwing rocks at my window. When they got back, they came with LOADS of food, as well as college gear for themselves :).

In the evening, a friend named Cody(who was of great help to my sister) accompanied us on a walk to a local park, which turned into an extremely long walk off campus and eventually to an amazing restaurant, where I had pecan fried catfish, half of a burger, and some gouda grits :D. It was fun to eat with my sibs and my friend, and they got along great, which really made my night. The next day my sibs and I had breakfast at IHOP, which was fun, and then went to Wal-Mart together and got a couple more things, and I returned some junk jewelry I'd gotten for Halloween and didn't use. After Wal-Mart, we said our goodbyes, and my siblings left… it was so hard to see them go. Here's a pic of us four right before they left:

Luckily, I got to see my sister again during Thanksgiving break… which will be covered in my next post :). Until then,