Failure, Driver's Tests, and Second Chances

    Even the smallest failures bug me. Failing to remember the name of a song, or stay within the lines on a coloring sheet (for school, or course ;), or spell something correctly… those things all bug me. More than they should. And I'm guessing it is because they remind me of the larger challenges in life; they remind me that I could fail at worse. The things I desire most-to graduate high school, get into a good college, have a great career, be in a loving healthy relationship with a man I trust-seem so out of reach. There are so many opportunities for failure! If I don't pass World History this coming year, I won't graduate on time. If I don't do a good job with my application essay, or my SAT scores aren't high enough, or I don't even apply on time, I might not get into a good college. Careers are unstable, as are relationships. So much could go wrong in the future!
   
    So, when I went to get my driver's license the other day, already an emotional hurricane because of something irrelevant and stupid, I failed. Yeah, you read right, I failed my driver's test. Which I hadn't gotten sooner because I'd 'failed' to make enough money for insurance. And it hit me hard. I knew I'd driven worse than I'd ever driven before. I deserved to fail. I was careless. But it didn't make it easier to accept it. What it brought home was my pent-up worries about the future. My tears after the fact had little to do with driving. A few people reminded me 'You can try again in a week', and while at first the comment bugged me (because I wasn't that upset about not getting my license), now those words mean a little more.
   
    Why? Because they're true. I CAN try again for my driver's license in a week. And you know what, if I don't pass World History this coming year, I can take it over the summer! If I get rejected by one college, I can always apply to others. If I'm not succeeding in one career, I have DECADES to find something that works. And people fall in and out of love all the time. I just have to have faith that with God's help and loved ones by me, I'll figure it out. Life is NOT pass or fail, and while there aren't always second chances, there are enough opportunities for there to be room for error. Those 'life goals' of mine may not be easy to achieve, and I may not achieve them on my first try, but they ARE possible. I'm not giving up, I'll just keep trying until I succeed :)

--
"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying..."


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