Adventures in Therapy + Cookies For You!

(If you've commented on a post, I've responded now, just so you know)

So, first off with this therapy review, let me explain WHY I was going there. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and am a miserable old hag ( ;) ), and can't seem to get happy. It comes from my negative living situation… which is kind of hard to explain briefly, but the bottom line is my father has hurt my mother, my siblings, and myself, and is psychologically unstable and emotionally abusive, but my parents are still married and I still live with them out of financial necessity.
I've suffered with guilt because of the sacrifices my mother has made in order to ensure I received a quality high school education and had a roof to live under. I developed self worth issues because I was always trying to earn my father's love, when no matter how hard I worked to be perfect I just couldn't be good enough for him. I have anxiety issues because of my financial situation-despite his substantial income, my father isn't paying for college, or my car insurance, or gas, and my job is minimum wage and hours vary. After this upcoming payment, I'm worried about whether or not I'll be able to cover the next one. I'm a fairly self-aware person, I know what my strengths and weaknesses are, and generally what they stem from. I went into that building unsure of what to expect from whoever I was talking to, but knowing there probably wouldn’t be any 'ah-ha!' moments for me.
When I met the woman, who was very kind and I will call Dr. H, she led me to her office, and when she opened the door I was trying really hard not to crack up. There was a COUCH! I mean, yes, it makes perfect sense she would want people to be comfortable, and I should have expected it, but I still wanted to laugh and say 'so that isn't just a stereotype, huh?' :D lol.
We talked for a bit, then we agreed to have momma join me, and together momma and I told her pretty much everything. Explained how my father has always treated me, how he doesn't love his own children and SCREAMS at me like a madman about the stupidest things. About how he ran off my older brother because he felt threatened by him, and how similar my brother and I are. About how he waits on my mother hand and foot, is always bringing her food, and is obsessive over her but treats me with hatred. We talked about the way that I've always demanded perfection from myself academically, because from an early age I knew that it was my only chance for a future. And she kind of suggested that it came from my father's unpredictability-I'm not in control of my home life at all, but I keep tight control of what I can. Which led to the fact that I keep really right control of my emotions, that I don't let myself feel much anymore… and after we had talked for a very long time, and had mentioned how great my brother is, and the fact that he built his house with two extra bedrooms just so that my mother, sister, and I would be able to move in if things got really, really ugly… she strongly recommended that I move in with my brother, because I'm obviously not handling my current situation well. My mom and I have talked about it since then, and I don't think I'm moving out yet… we'll see if we can just hang on till graduation. I also may or may not have gotten a new job at a dentist's office-which would be awesome! I'll be there Monday to get my wisdom teeth out, and hope to talk to our dentist more then (before I'm all loopy, obviously ;) ). Therapy actually went really, really well. Dr. H seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being, and kind of worried, but was really helpful with making thoughts organized for me and my mom. We're in sync now, which is really important with all of the changes coming up. After the fact, I've decided it was a great thing to do, even though I did spend a lot of the time having to relive painful memories :D lol. I'd also like to thank you Laurea, Jinnyd, Lia, and Shaynie for your input on this issue-I appreciate your support more than you can know :). And now, COOKIE TIME!!!! For you, Shaynie:

And for you, Jinnyd (check the link at the bottom for the recipe, if you're not a hazard in the kitchen like me! :D):

And for all of my other wonderful followers, enjoy the classic chocolate chip:

I wrote this post the other day (so I could let it sit overnight, and then I edited out a lot of personal backstory crap that was just plain depressing... LOL, that pun really wasn't intended), and at the moment I'm freakishly HAPPY (which is AWESOME) for a variety of reasons which I'd like to share (including you guys), and I've actually been tagged several times, and I heard an AMAZING song on the radio today that I simply have to post about (not sure yet if I'll let it wait till Wednesday) so I'm going to be posting a bit more than normal over the next few days (even though I really should be on a blogging haitus-WORLD HISTORY FINAL AND TONS OF HOMEWORK!!!! AHHH!). Wow, that was a lot of parentheticals... anyway, you can expect to hear from me again soon! Thanks you guys, for everything ^_^.

Snowman cookie pic from here.
Blondie pic from here.
Chocolate chip cookie pic is NOT mine, but I'm not posting the link to the site because it had a lot of other crap on it that had nothing to do with dessert.

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